It’s fine to look back on old relationships and find the humor in your obvious poor choices, but if you’re not learning lessons, you’re not doing your next relationship any favors. No one’s reading (or writing!) this blog because they want to be single forever—can I get an “Amen”?
I was asked recently to write a list of what I really wanted out of a partner. When I read it, I realized I was staying in relationships to, well, stay in relationships. And then I was single. Not throw-your-hands-up-and-celebrate-Beyonce-style single. More like oh-shit-I’m-single? single.
So here’s my list. I can assure you that any girl who’s ready to be in a relationship has a similarly honest one. And, if you’re being honest, fellas, you don’t have 10 checkmarks here. I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but use it as a friendly refresher, a reminder that simple and honest is a good thing.
What Every Girl (OK, this Girl) Wants …
1. Someone who shows an interest in my life, who I am, and how I became that person
Ask questions! Show an interest! Don’t you really want to know who you are with? And if you are really interested in that person, you would want to know all of this information.
Ask questions! Show an interest! Don’t you really want to know who you are with? And if you are really interested in that person, you would want to know all of this information.
2. Acknowledgement of special occasions
True: I’m the girl who says she doesn't want anything for Valentine’s Day, and secretly does. But I’m not looking for a cheap box of candies; I’m looking for a thoughtful gesture. Because even though I’m not asking for anything, I’m still looking for proof that you care.
True: I’m the girl who says she doesn't want anything for Valentine’s Day, and secretly does. But I’m not looking for a cheap box of candies; I’m looking for a thoughtful gesture. Because even though I’m not asking for anything, I’m still looking for proof that you care.
3. Appreciation on ordinary days
Did she make you a cake? Dinner? Do your laundry? Make you smile? Watch your favorite TV show with you? Tell her—a simple and sincere “thank you” will suffice.
Did she make you a cake? Dinner? Do your laundry? Make you smile? Watch your favorite TV show with you? Tell her—a simple and sincere “thank you” will suffice.
4. Someone who likes my imperfections and embraces his own
No one is perfect. Accept it. If you don’t close a cabinet door, or you leave the toothpaste out, or you have a weird freckle on your left knee, those aren’t deal breakers. Don’t get too picky, because someone could point out your imperfections just as easily.
No one is perfect. Accept it. If you don’t close a cabinet door, or you leave the toothpaste out, or you have a weird freckle on your left knee, those aren’t deal breakers. Don’t get too picky, because someone could point out your imperfections just as easily.
5. Someone who is excited to see me and proud to be with me
Introduce her to your friends (when you are ready, of course!) and always let her know that you are happy to see her.
Introduce her to your friends (when you are ready, of course!) and always let her know that you are happy to see her.
6. Someone who is already on their own path (not living in their parent’s basement)
I get it! Sometimes, especially in this economy, we have to compromise regarding our living situations. But honestly, if you aren’t on a road to independent living, grown-up style, that is a problem.
I get it! Sometimes, especially in this economy, we have to compromise regarding our living situations. But honestly, if you aren’t on a road to independent living, grown-up style, that is a problem.
7. Someone who wants a commitment and marriage
If you have commitment issues or are just looking for simple, unattached companionship, make it known early and often.
If you have commitment issues or are just looking for simple, unattached companionship, make it known early and often.
8. Someone who compliments me and accepts my compliments
Be confident enough in yourself to welcome compliments, and confident enough to give them.
Be confident enough in yourself to welcome compliments, and confident enough to give them.
9. Someone who gives as much to me as I give to them
It is exhausting doing all of the work. Just sayin’.
It is exhausting doing all of the work. Just sayin’.
10. Someone who likes simple things—like taking the dog on a walk after work
Ordinary things are just plain awesome sometimes. Spending 20 minutes to walk with your lady and her dog (or just your lady) says more than you realize. I think guys sometimes overthink what we really want.
Ordinary things are just plain awesome sometimes. Spending 20 minutes to walk with your lady and her dog (or just your lady) says more than you realize. I think guys sometimes overthink what we really want.
Now, if you have the qualities on this list, have pride in yourself (as in: you brush your teeth, bathe, take care of yourself), you have a good chance of landing the girl you are after. I am not going to lie. Yes, there are superficial things that MAY or MAY NOT be added bonuses (you’re a millionaire who closes cabinet doors and satisfies me sexually EVERY time), but let’s get real here, people, you can’t be satisfied EVERY time. And some things are more problematic, or funnier, than others.
Expect and give these basics and you’ll have a more fulfilling relationship. If you find a girl that’s after much more than this, or find that your list is too complicated and detailed, you’re not going to find that long-lasting relationship you’re after.
No comments:
Post a Comment